The Empty Bed: Mainstream Magazines & Their Focus on Sex

It has permeated our culture and seeped through the cracks of even the most sacred of places, our bed rooms. So why is it that publishers with plenty of ability (Conde Nast, Hearst, etc.), continue to promote an opportunistic mentality, specifically pertaining to the sexual lure of promiscuity?

Whether at your local bookstore, airplane gift shop, or a simple visit through the checkout aisle at your grocery store; sex is everywhere.

Manufactured Intimacy. Dozens of magazines shout out headlines on “How to Have Better Sex”, “How to Please Your Man”, “How to Keep Him Interested In You”, etc. With such a primary focus and centralization around this topic, there’s no wonder why men and women are obsessed with looking, feeling, appearing, and desiring to be “sexy” or “sexually empowered” as certain folks like to call it. True intimacy is not created by a simple 10-step list of things to do to revive your sex life. The individuals in the relationship must make an adamant effort to instill structure and connect through four arenas of their relationship; 1) mentally, 2) emotionally, 3) spiritually, and 4) physically. All of these work together to create a satisfying, intimate, and holistic relationship. Without one, problems occur, without many, your relationship will crumble before you.

Getting Hit From Both Sides. The promise that these magazines fail to come through on is the intimacy gained through your romp in the sack. No amount of body potion, lotion, or “never-before-done” moves are going to connect your soul to each other, while it seems as though the two would go hand in hand, they don’t. The magazines are successful by seemingly creating what isn’t there in the first place.

Not only are women marginalized through women’s publications, but men’s magazines (Maxim, FHM, GQ. Playboy, Hustler, Perfect 10, to name a few) are always a reliable source for female smut. I guess we should be glad we’re not on the UK side of things, where mags like Maxim, FHM, and GQ run explicit and cheap baby-oiled nudity page after page. So not only are women being told from men that they must be sexy, slender, flawless, and have a killer sexual appetite, but women are only further reinstating those very expectations to their own captive audience.

Sex Sells. But Why? From the beginning of advertisements and mass media, marketers and business folk quickly discovered that the ease and strategic simplicity of manufacturing sex to sell products, was one that saved them time, money, and man power. As we mature from childhood, we are taught that we should desire to be beautiful, because through that beauty we will succeed socially, professionally, and be an overall happier individual. The installation of this mind set, from an early age, creates and promotes a feeling of motivation for beauty, wealth, success, and fear of failure.

So what does this mean and why is it a problem? It’s not about being prude, conservative, or a religious fanatic…it’s about having self-respect. The double entendre of many of these publications is that you should use your sexuality to not only attract a mate, but to keep him interested and excited. Through this message, it adds congestion to a relationship that otherwise has an unstable foundation. If there is only focus on the physical and pleasure aspect of the relationship, you will not be truly connected or experience true intimacy with that person. It is proven that relationships succeed when the two individuals are friends before they enter the dating world. I challenge you to place the emphasis on developing your friendship and connecting to your mate, rather than relying on sex to not only satisfy you, but to bring you closer, it will result in quite the opposite. Sex outside of marriage can often lead to a big let-down in the end because of the reliance of Sex to bring forth intimacy and a connective love and passion.Ask yourself why are you having sex? Is it to feel closer to your mate, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually? Or is it just uninhibited, animalistic desires? Using sex for pure pleasure is an attempt to fill a void of something that isn’t there for you. Rather than continue the destructive cycle of meaningless sex, give yourself a chance to discover why you are doing the things you’re doing. Lust of the mind creates lust of the heart.

Refurbishing Your Depressed Bedroom.

Be Safe. Not only do these magazines promote sex ’til its death, they fail to consistently mention how to do so safely and smart. With the rampant STD rates, it’s a risk many men and women fail to take seriously. And not only is sex something that is playful and non-toxic, but it is something everyone should enjoy, no matter your age, without risk. Rather than continually telling women they must be sexual to succeed, why not try a new approach of true sexual liberation, self-respect, and feminism at its best; when sex is appreciated for the beauty of what it was meant to be, within the confines of a healthy, loving, committed relationship.